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Monday, February 15, 2016

BA: #IAMCapable

This is about me. I am 31 and I do not want to hide my real age. I am happy about what I am, who I am and the way I am.

I have a Phoenix Tattoo in the nape of my neck from 2010 which summarizes my life.

In 2006, I met with a bike accident and severed my right hand. I was in the hospital for a year and one more year at home undergoing physiotherapy. I went through 19 surgeries on my right hand alone. Thanks to my doctors and the support of my family that I have a 99% functional hand,.
I cant move my wrist meaning, I can’t throttle/accelerate a bike. My hand has a visible scar till my elbow, it looks like a burnt injury.

Well, I can paint, quill, type, cook and everything that supposedly a woman should do. I look fairly good too. I fall under the cute category.

I lost two years of my education, I tried writing my exams with a writer but Engineering exams can’t be given orally, so I badly flunked and lost one more year. Then, I decided to give it up & start working with just a qualification of a Diploma.

First look of what my extended family thought about me

Just after my accident, one my mom’s aunt, who is about 75 now was talking to me in discretion

“Dee, you met with this accident and got this this thing (she said it like my hand was a pest), you have no qualification, your parents had to shell out all of their savings for you. You are just a burden on them. You can’t even work. The only thing you can do I sell yourself to fend for yourself”

I was shocked. How can my own aunt think like this, didn’t she see the pain I went through?
I did cry, I was vulnerable, but I decided to show her that I am much more than my body alone. Today, I am much better than any of her “uninjured” burdens.

Second instance of what the society wants in a girl

Obviously, after an age my parents started searching for suitable grooms for me. 
They started when I was 23. It took them 7 years to find a suitable husband for me.
I have met a million guys in this arranged marriage thing. But, I have got rejected my so many on my injured hand’s pretext.
I was by qualified now, I did my Grad and my Masters but men wanted a “perfect” looking girl. My nature, my education, my background, my experience, nothing mattered. I have had sentences from guys & their family saying
“Our son is perfect, we want a perfect girl” (What does a perfect girl mean?)
"Actually, I am not really comfortable with that kind of a scary looking hand" (Scary? Do you see ghosts coming out of it?)

People who wanted to “help” my parents to find me a guy sent profiles of guys who were very “differently abled” mentally & physically.
My question: Would these people do the same for their daughters? No, they won’t. Then why me?

I have been advised to go for a "cosmetic surgery" by people, which frankly I didn't want to. I am comfortable with the scar. Why should I change?
But on insistence by my family who were pressured by external factors, I did go for a consultation and to my relief, the doctor said its better not to go for a surgery since it won't really show a significant change.

These two scenarios are just a gist of what people have said and done. There is much more to it, that can fill a whole book.

I had my simple conditions,
I will marry a man who will accept me the way I am, with my scars
I will marry a guy who is equally educated as I am.

I shall not cover my hand for anyone. I am proud of what happened. I am proud of what I went through. I am proud that I came out strong & bubbly. I am proud of all my achievements.

Haters will hate.
Today, I can easily defy, whoever said harsh, heartbreaking things to me. I work to earn my living. I travel the world. I take care of my parents & they are proud of me. I live a decently luxurious life. I am pretty & famous in my own way. I am married to an amazing guy into an equally amazing family.

I am what I am because I didn’t give up believing that I am the best. 
Whatever happened, happened because it was meant to happen. 
I did, lose my patience, I did breakdown, I have cried many nights but in heart of hearts I know that my accident has made me strong emotionally and mentally.

Not just experience, but even statistics say the same. Take a look at some of the startling figures that the Nihar Naturals #IAmCapable survey conducted by Nielsen India reveals:
a. 69% of men agree that their judgement of women is based on their looks.
b. 64% of women agree that the judgments passed on them have affected their ability to reach their true potential.
c. 70%of women agree that majority of judgments on women are from family members or friends rather than strangers.
d. 72% of women agree that working women face more judgments on their looks or their clothes than housewives.
“I’m breaking stereotypes based on appearance by sharing my experience for the #IAmCapable activity at BlogAdda in association with Nihar Naturals.”


  1. Hi Dee, I have been following your blog for sometime now...but hadn't commented till now...this post speaks to me on many levels...I am thankful you wrote it...I have no major problems in life....touch wood...but find myself complaining every once in a while....posts like these are reminders of people who have come from many greater problems...thank you and may you be blessed with more strength and happiness

    1. Woow Gowri. Thank you for this encouraging comment also thank you for dropping by :-)


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